Eureka!

I used to work at an unnamed furniture showroom. It had a name, but that’s not important. What’s important is that it was in conservative Chicago, and run by conservative owners who employed conservative sales managers. We had to train for 8 weeks before we were ready to sell their very heavy, often stuffy, and wildly overpriced furniture.

In week two of training, we were introduced to the dress code. I wish I saved my paperwork so I could share it here, but I don’t need a lawsuit on my hands anyway. Suffice to say that rules were presented. Stipulations about tattoos, blouse sheerness, tank top strap width, and male jewelry quickly ensued. We ladies were required to wear PANTYHOSE from October to May. With pants even! After some time, I figured out where to get the best pantyhose (Talbots), and which color nail polish would get me in trouble (Lincoln Park After Dark).

This was 2007, year of the v-neck kimono dress. If it wasn’t kimono, it was wrap-around, or some other sort of empire waisted dress. My size 8 frame did not always match the manufacturers’ idea of a size 8 girl’s boobs. In other words, if I wanted the waistline to be below my bustline, there was not enough fabric in the “boob area” for a dinner out, much less for The Dress Code.

Every single morning I found myself standing in front of my arsenal of camisoles. Cotton, spandex, rayon, silk, whatever. None of them worked for this purpose, which was to make my scandalous cleavage work-appropriate. I didn’t need or want the bulk of a long camisole. I had to tuck them into my pantyhose, and re-adjust a few times throughout my shift. As soon as work was over, I would lose the pantyhose. But often, I didn’t want to lose the cami underneath. Sometimes cleavage looks great, but what people tend to forget is you can’t control who looks. A lot of times I wanted to just keep an outfit pulled together, but not have the middle aged bartender in Wrigleyville (or his drunken clientele) ogling me.

I simply had to make the layering cami better. For me, and for all womankind!

(To be continued)